Monthly Archives: June 2013

Summer Solstice

I had to put off my solstice doings until the night of the 22nd, because I was simply exhausted on the night of the 21st, and I can’t get private access to parts of the yard unless the landlord is asleep, plus we have incredibly nosy neighbors and I wanted to feed and thank the tree on our sidewalk.

I spent part of the afternoon outside of my body, so I could speak to two of the wights and spend time with them. My nocturnal activities involve a lot of rushing around and I don’t tend to get a chance than to do more than put my hand on something and send it my gratitude and love. They were happy to see me and wanted to talk about my wedding and all sorts of things.

When it was late enough, I went out in the flesh with 3/4 of a bottle of mead and distributed it to the major wights and the smaller ones around the boundaries of the house.

I was surprised that I used the entire bottle (it’s a very small plot of land), but that gives me an idea of how to plan for such things.

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Hardcore

What I have been given to do seems small and quiet to me, and I seem to myself to be small and quiet — an unknown entity — and I never expect to write a book or do anything in any way that makes me a Particular Someone amongst pagans.

In my Buddhist practice, none of it is done for anyone else to witness. It’s a concept I’m accustomed to; the point is not to Be Someone, but rather to locate Yourself. What you do with yourself as a Buddhist is shown in all of your behavior. But it’s better — and they even say so — to be unknown, often, than to be known. Many important monks and lamas have begged their superiors to be allowed to go and practice alone, only to be told that they must stay, to show others the way.

I don’t know who would look to me to show them the way toward anything, but while I content myself with my quietness, my relative invisibility, between my traditions, both make me available. Open. They both tell me to open my hands.

But when we encounter one another. If you came to me. If something else happened. It isn’t for me to go looking.

A summer evening.

Before this internet drama, we had been extremely preoccupied with thinking we would have to move, and were incredibly stressed by that for a variety of reasons, not least of which that I was given responsibilities to spirits who live here and close to here, and I wouldn’t have any control, particularly, over where we ended up living (when you’re disabled and poor, you basically go where there is an opening, when there is an opening). That may still happen.

That has been doing a rather good job of squeezing most of the joy out of my life, as has having worse symptoms than usual, and spending too much of my time watching the sand run through the hourglass, mazed with suffering.

It may be the illness, it may be the stress over housing insecurity (so soon after I thought I had secure housing), it may be being too ill to focus on anything I care about, but it is probably all of them that is causing me to be so depressed.

It is a warm summer night. During the summer, we typically cannot burn candles because the ceiling fan has to always be on, due to a general lack of air conditioning. I reached for Freyr, and reached for the bottle of mead, unable to find the glass I usually use, and toasted him with the bottle. I took three drinks of it, for love, honor, and devotion, and put the cork back in.

As I leaned back against the pillows set up for the sake of my shoulder, I felt him reach for me and gently pull me out of my body and home with him, where I hadn’t been in far too long.

The old far-too-familiar internet drama.

Trigger warning.

Anyone who reads nearly any sort of pagan blog may or may not have found themselves staring at a maelstrom nearly impossible to understand, unless they happened to know some of the major people involved in the “pop culture pagan” community-wide fight.

I could never quite get a handle on who was angry at whom and why, because I don’t read the major players. Someone posted some links in a post that was linked from someone I do read and, finally finding the posts at the beginning of it all, I found someone I managed to be completely unsurprised to see on one end of such a large mess.

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